i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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