There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
