I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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