Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
