Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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