don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
