i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
