I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can text with my tongue
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
