I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
