For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
