nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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