After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
