how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
