I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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