I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
