stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
