roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
