Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize