I'm eating all of the evidence.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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