I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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