I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
