I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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