hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
