I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
