when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
