I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
