Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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