You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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