fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
