I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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