the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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