She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
