And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
