i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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