i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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