Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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