he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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