If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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