He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
