I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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