I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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