You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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