dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
