I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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