On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
