I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
