I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
