I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
