I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
