I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner