I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
