remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween