I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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