pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
