Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
