i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
