I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
