Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize