I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize