She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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