Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize