i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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