i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Too much gin, very little bucket
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
