This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
