I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
